Two Tons Productions: Grifball Team History (The Wal-Mart Greeters)

The Wal-Mart Greeters Introduce Division 13 to Every Day Low Scores

While working on the more narrative-based exposition of my Apple/Windows conflict, I figure I'll update you humble readers (all 3 of you) on the exploits of the local Grifball Team. First a little history.

The Wal-Mart Greeters came from simple enough beginnings...minimum wage, 24/7 store hours, and missing front teeth that gave a creepy lisp and awkward giddiness to everything they said. Things couldn't get any better. But there was more in store for these 6 humble men...and boys. Fresh off the happy-go-lucky sensations that only Rooster Teeth's Red Vs. Blue series could give them, and a new contagious Halo 3 sport known as Grifball, Team Captain-to-be Phlapjak (Brett Holton) gathered his forces. Yours truly, codename Foxtrotarmy while on the field joined in his crusade, and it wasn't long before InBreed (Nathan Monroe), and ages old acquaintance also caught the bug. The three set off to find pick-up games in the local matchmaking windows, and see if they could have what it takes to live the life of their idols and play in an official Grifball League. Just like the pros. During skirmish they met and were forced (reluctantly at first) to play with a wise-cracking referential humor genius who was known only by the enigmatic title of "Vinny." Fearing the Mob had finally caught up with him, InBreed disappeared from practices for a few days. Vinny's handle, Master Hotspot, inspired confidence in the others however, and enlisting a fire-breathing young rookie named DaLil Irish7 (James Kearney) the team was formed.

The "Master" Hotspot took Irish under his wing and trained him in the ways of the Roflcopter but was immediately frustrated with the young rook's progress, demoting him to the emasculating callsign of "Free Smackies." Smackies was known to drink his way to sleep in the hotels while on the road due to the humiliation. But while Hotspot and Irish trained themselves to death every night, Phlapjak and Foxtrot were busy strategizing. They realized that more was needed, especially Red Shirts and back up players. InBreed was found through contacts in the FBI and brought back onto the roster. Now with one back up ready to go at a moment's notice, the team began formal practices. They recruited hobos and vagabonds to play against them, lining the walls of their little local Grifball court with their blood. Soon they were running out of ragamuffins to practice against. Then a figure from Foxtrot's past entered the equation.

Devilish Jumper (Two Ton Production's very own DL Crews) appeared from the shadows of a misty morning and offered his services, valiantly taking up any kind of opposing force against the newly forming Wal-Mart Greeters. His intense defenses as well as hardcore training regime formed the several other pick-up players into a well-oiled practice squad and gave the Wal-Mart Greeters the training they needed to get into shape for the coming Season. But no tale like this ends happily for all involved.

Jumper was shortly thereafter shanghaied when found passed out a pub, drunk. The Wal-Mart Greeters never saw him again, though occasionally get postcards from exotic locales with "help me" written in encoded letters on the back. They don't often write back.

Game Time. Wednesday, July 16th 2008 and the Wal-Mart Greeters are stretching out, putting on their armor, and preparing for a whirlwind adventure in hammering, swording, exploding, scoring (in both a sporting and biblical sense), and complete and utter desecration of corpses. Only one problem. Master Hotspot was nowhere to be found, his protege, Irish, ready to go at a moment's notice. InBreed had once again felt that Hotspot's disappearance met impending doom and had similarly vanished off the face of the Earth. With only three players and only five minutes to game time, the Wal-Mart Greeters seemed doomed to forfeit their first official double-header, and start the season 0-2.
Phlapjak pulled a dangerous gambit. Pulling in a familial relation who had trained with the team in the past, a last minute replacement seemed to save the day. But then Hotspot appeared at the last second, moments before the buzzers sounded and the team walked onto the court. The team signed autographs and wished their fans goodbye as they were ushered by officials onto the court for the opening song and dance. It was a beautiful number, and when the first bell rang out and the ball dropped into the center of the court, the Wal-Mart Greeters (Phlapjak, Foxtrotarmy, Master Hotspot, and DaLil Irish7) became reality, and Division 13 subsequently exploded.