Apple Training Facility Ransacked by Microsoft Commandoes Pt.1

Millions of Innocent Megabytes Destroyed Where They Slept

I come today bearing the gravest of news. A dastardly attack brought on by Bill Gates' private cyber-army during a movement towards a peaceful coexistant between Steve Jobs' humble little iMaccers. The battlefield: Tallahassee. The Time: The middle of the goddamn night.

Young Robert Kearney decided that one fateful night he was tired of the fighting. Of the heartbreak. Could he ever reconcile the thousands of dollars of entertaining videogames with the thousands of dollars of the state-of-the-art film editing and screenwriting software he had floating around? He could if he made a bold proposal. Unbeknownst to him he would set in motion a cataclysmic series of events that would forever alter the battlefield of his desktop computer, and bring back and old ally turned foe in the form of his MacBook Pro.

So Mr. Kearney proposed to the Apple Gods a new training regime. Get the Apple-minded megabytes the proper training they needed and prepare them for a diplomatic mission. They had all ready become quite adept and familiar with dealing with the Microsoft Office ambassadors, and the two got along quite well, signs that a hopeful future was brimming for the normally hostile factions. Kearney was pleased.

The name of the program was Boot Camp. Put the little cyber-trites through a rigorous training exerciser, pen off a section of their land and send an invite to the Microsoft neighbors to set up shot and begin the road to a bright future of cooperation. Final Cut and Brothers in Arms working in unison? Making...machinimas even? Perhaps too futuristic for this piece, and too far fetched considering the outcome of the night's dire events. The land of Hard Drive-ville was split, literally. 40 gigabytes of land was inspected, cleaned, and squared off for the new Microsoft diplomats. The CD drive whirred and Kearney brought in the new arrivals, not sensing the Trojan Horse-like intent the otherwise benign-appearing politico-bytes had.

When the gates opened, the Microsoft programs entered cautiously, sensing danger, but found only open arms and fresh clean land to lay claim to. Never before has such a generous offer been made all in the name of electronic entertainment. But could it last?

NEXT: Part II - Border Breakouts, and Early Skirmishes.