Save the Hard Drive! (Crash Time)

Episode 1: Crash Time (Xbox 360)

Demos so bad you won't even want the free download...

Don't be fooled by the seemingly exciting moment captured in the screenshot above. It's as much misdirection as the mission where you take the rookie to the "crime scene" only to reveal it's a coffee shop (more on that later.) This demo is good at one thing, and it does this one thing marvelously. It reminds us Americans how God awful English sirens sound. Perhaps the sound of fear got a little lost on the way across the Atlantic, or maybe it was in fact too scared to attempt the journey, but the siren that your hero car emits is the most perfect rhythmic depiction of "annoying." An otherwise abstract feeling reserved for the most extreme cases of promiscuous roommates and/or mosquitos, now graciously has its meaning expanded, encompassing all of the English police force. 

During my brief stint on the elite "Cobra 11" task force, I did such important police-like missions like taking the newbie to the local coffee shop, and taking down a speeder after causing at least a dozen fatalities thanks to the lack of physics in the whole of Great Britain's highways. Vans and sedans exploded without prejudice or logic as I spun them out with my seemingly indestructible cruiser. In a preview video, I saw what looked a lot like a Soviet BMP utterly demolishing what looked to be a similarly threatening minivan with a devestating T-bone strike. God Forbid the demo include that vehicle in my missions, otherwise I'd leave much more bodies in the hospital from my do-gooding than I would by letting the damn speeder go.

And this isn't even getting to the good part of the camera sliding in and out of reality while in the middle of a high speed chase. If you've ever been frustrated watching the news chopper try to futilely keep track of a car chase (that's actually fast) than imagine trying to track one when you're camera is underground in purgatory while you're actually in command of the vehicle, and with these physics no less. You can see why it's more dangerous for the police to even get involved in these things than let some pretentious bastard get away with driving 12mph over the speed limit...oh wait, make that kilmoters per hour. Whatever the case, it's madness...oh, right, but there's that one other thing: This is ENGLAND!

Save your hard drive space on your Xbox and instead download something that rewards you for crashing your precious car more often...like Burnout: Paradise. Catch ya later!

The author doesn't take responsibility for your enjoyment or utter disgust at the games mentioned here. Similarly we can't be held responsible if we say the demo sucks, you buy the game, and surprisingly you find it sucks as well. Play at your own risk.